How to Overcome perfectionism and use it for your advantage
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Perfectionism has a sneaky way of making you feel like you're never enough, leaving you stuck in cycles of anxiety, procrastination, and burnout. Whether you're chasing flawless outcomes or beating yourself up over minor mistakes, perfectionism can take over, leading to stress, self-criticism, and missed opportunities.
But what if you could use perfectionism to your advantage instead of letting it control your life? With Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) strategies, you can break free from the rigid grip of perfectionism while still tapping into its strengths when it serves you. In this blog, I’ll share how you can get unstuck from the perfectionism trap and turn it into something productive—without letting it derail your life.
But first, What is ACT?
Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) was developed in the 1980s by psychologist Steven C. Hayes. Hayes initially explored ways to address his emotional struggles, leading him to develop a model of therapy that focuses less on changing the content of negative thoughts and more on how we relate to them.
ACT emerged from a larger movement called "third-wave" behavioral therapies, which focus on mindfulness, acceptance, and psychological flexibility. Unlike therapies that focus on directly eliminating unwanted thoughts or feelings, ACT encourages accepting them, even suffering, as natural parts of life and instead emphasizes taking meaningful actions guided by one's values. It was designed to help people break free from rigid patterns of thinking and behaving. It aims to increase psychological flexibility—our ability to adapt to changing situations and act in ways aligned with our values.
ACT is beneficial for conditions like anxiety, depression, trauma, and, of course, perfectionism. Through its six core processes (acceptance, cognitive defusion, mindfulness, values, committed action, and self-as-context), ACT helps individuals move away from rigid thinking patterns, allowing them to live fuller, more meaningful lives. I use this framework in therapy with my clients, and it has yielded much success.
Accepting Imperfection: You Don’t Have to Be Perfect to Be Worthy
The first step to overcoming perfectionism is accepting that you will experience feelings of inadequacy or fear of failure. ACT’s foundation rests on acceptance—embracing complex thoughts and emotions rather than fighting against them. Instead of trying to eliminate your perfectionist tendencies, ACT helps you make space for those thoughts without letting them dictate your behavior.
When perfectionistic thoughts like “I’m not good enough” or “This has to be flawless” pop up, ACT teaches us to accept them as normal but unhelpful mental events. You don't need to engage with them to live a fulfilling life.
ACT Tip: Practice Defusion
Defusion is an ACT technique that helps you step back from your perfectionistic thoughts. Instead of thinking, “I am a failure,” shift to “I’m having the thought that I’m a failure.” This slight shift creates distance between you and your thoughts, helping you see them as mental experiences rather than facts. Try imagining perfectionistic thoughts as clouds passing by in the sky—they come and go, but you don’t need to get caught up in them.
2. Functional Contextualism: Using Perfectionism Where It Helps
ACT is rooted in the philosophy of **functional contextualism**, which means understanding thoughts and behaviors in the context of how they function in your life. Perfectionism can sometimes drive you to achieve excellent results—like excelling at a work project that requires precision—but it can also trap you in a cycle of anxiety and avoidance. The key is learning when perfectionism is useful and when it’s holding you back. By applying functional contextualism, you can let perfectionism serve its purpose in contexts that enhance performance but not let it dominate your life.
ACT Tip: Clarify Your Values
When you feel stuck in perfectionism, ask yourself: “Is perfectionism helping me live according to my values, or is it getting in the way?” Values, like connection, creativity, or personal growth, are the more profound guiding principles that make life meaningful. If perfectionism drives you away from these values, such as avoiding spending time with family because you’re obsessing over work, it’s time to shift your focus. Recognizing your values helps you realign your actions toward what truly matters.
3. Untangling the Knot: Spotting Rigid Thinking Patterns
Perfectionism often creates mental “knots”—rigid thinking patterns that keep us stuck. Maybe you're obsessing over past mistakes or procrastinating because you're waiting for the perfect time to start. ACT helps untangle these knots by encouraging you to identify where you feel tight or constrained in your thinking. Recognizing these spots is the first step toward loosening them.
ACT Tip: Notice the Rigidity
Take time to reflect on where you feel most stuck in perfectionistic thinking. Is it around fear of failure? A need for approval? Once you’ve identified those areas, practice sitting with the discomfort. It’s normal to feel tension when confronting perfectionism, but allowing yourself to feel those emotions without trying to fix them immediately can be liberating. It gives you space to take flexible, value-based actions rather than rigid, fear-based ones.
4. Choosing Flexibility: Learning to Shift Attention
Perfectionism tends to narrow your focus onto flaws and mistakes, making it hard to stay present in the moment. One of the goals of ACT is to cultivate psychological flexibility, which means adapting and shifting your attention based on what’s most important at that moment. This flexibility allows you to step away from perfectionism and shift your attention to more meaningful actions when it's no longer serving you.
ACT Tip: Practice Mindfulness
Mindfulness is a core skill in ACT that helps you stay aware of where your mind is focusing. The next time you’re stuck in perfectionistic thinking, pause and ask: “Where is my attention right now? Am I focusing on flaws or what’s truly important to me at this moment?” By becoming more aware of your thought patterns, you can practice redirecting your focus to the present, where you can act according to your values.
5. Turning Mind Wandering into Awareness
It’s common for the mind to wander back into perfectionistic thoughts, but ACT encourages us to be mindful of this wandering without judgment instead of getting frustrated. By noticing where the mind goes, you create an opportunity to let go of unhelpful thoughts and focus on more valuable actions.
ACT Tip: Observe, Don’t Engage
Don't let your mind wander to perfectionism; don’t try to get it to stop. Instead, practice observing your thoughts with curiosity. What are they telling you? What emotions are they connected to? Once you’ve noticed them, you can let go of the need to engage with those thoughts and gently bring your focus back to the present moment.
6. Aligning with Values: The Energy to Move Forward
At the heart of ACT is the idea of living a values-driven life. Perfectionism can often trick us into believing we’re pursuing something worthwhile, but it’s often motivated by fear or a need for approval. ACT teaches that true fulfillment comes from actions aligned with your core values. By clarifying what matters most to you, you can use the energy of perfectionism to pursue those values in meaningful ways.
ACT Tip: Recommit to Valued Actions
When perfectionism starts to take over, pause and ask: “What value am I serving by doing this?” Whether it's nurturance relationships, creating, or growing, let your values guide your actions. Instead of allowing perfectionism to drive your decisions, recommit to taking meaningful steps aligned with your deepest values.
In Conclusion
ACT was developed to help us stop fighting our inner experiences and live a life aligned with our values. It teaches us that we don’t need to eliminate perfectionism completely, but we can learn to live with it in a way that lets us move forward. By practicing acceptance, mindfulness, flexible attention, and value-driven action, you can let go of the rigidity of perfectionism and start living a life aligned with what truly matters to you.
So, the next time perfectionism rears its head, remember: you have the power to accept it, use it where it helps, and let go where it holds you back.
