The Ignored Trauma
The past week has been mentally exhausting. As a black mother, wife, sister, friend and therapist, I am concerned that Black skin continues to trigger a heightened sense of threat in America. The underlying presumption about skin color digs into the history of race, social inequality and injustice. Racism is a sin. And it’s insidious acts cannot be ignored.
I struggle to answer the questions sparked by my daughters about the matters of race. Although I’ve maintain a safe space for my children to talk and express themselves without feeling judged, this time the dialogue is a lot more difficult.
My kids are constructing their personal narrative. Combing through their memory box to make sense of their own childhood experiences. “Mom do you remember the time we went to the pool and everyone cleared out-was that racism?” …”How about when [she] asked me how does it feel to be Black?” Questions after questions.
As a family, we pray together and find comfort in the word of God. We know that our home is not housed in this world. But we are 100% human and share in the existential experiences. We are fully aware that racism does not reflect the heart of most people.
Likewise, the rampaging and rioting has kidnapped the deep purpose for which so many are protesting. It is unhealthy to respond to the plight and social pain of the black community with collective shame and blame (gaslighting). What happened to George Floyd was vile. It was painful and traumatic. The gruesome act against Mr. Floyd showcased the malady of racism.
I am intentional about helping my children carve out a narrative that subdues the venom of racism. I want them to love others, forgive, act justly, be a good samaritan, say no to wrong, love mercy and justice, walk humbly, and defend the oppressed. Put simply, I want the Holy Spirit to be ACTIVE in their lives.
So why am I talking so much about my kids? I realized through their eyes that I can’t ignore the trauma of racism. Trauma is ugly. It’s impact can survive from generation to generation, if not dealt with. Trauma feels overwhelming, it crushes the individual, alter hope and hurts the heart. I don’t want my children to experience it (I hope I’m not suffering from wishful thinking.)
The same attention, practices, and policies given to protect children from physical, sexual, and other forms of traumas must also provide sanctuary for Black+Brown children. I get really emotional thinking that my children are at risk for experiencing racialized trauma (RT). (Oh man it hurts.)
The overwhelming outcry for justice across America echos the pain of racialized trauma. People are tired of being disenfranchised and brutalized because of skin color. Regardless of your opinion about how people should or shouldn’t act, be mindful that trauma has a voice and here’s what it’s saying—
SOMETHING HAPPENED. IT CAN’T BE IGNORED. IT’S BOTHERING ME. I’M WORRIED. I DON’T FEEL SAFE— PHYSICALLY, MENTALLY OR EMOTIONALLY.
Trauma destroys everything. The individual, family, community, society and even the church. Racial reconciliation is needed.
Our brain and body are activated when there’s real or perceived threat (trauma). Racialized trauma is the connectivity between the personal, systemic and historic shared experience of a system that promotes the narrative BLACK is defective to sustain white structural advances. The compound and complexity of RT can be mentally exhausting on the body and mind. There’s a legitimate reason to be angry and feel your feelings—I get it. I’m having my feelings too.
But I realize I can’t afford to stay in the place of pain and brokenness. There’s a spirit of resiliency that has deepened inside of me amid the social unrest. I pray that it will get a whole of my children as well. I don’t want them feeling as though they are repulsive because of their Blackness.
I got to admit, I just felt a rush of anger. The good news is, anger is a secondary emotion. Whenever I feel it, it’s important to not act impulsively, but go search for the the first feeling or what’s underneath. I took a minute and search of the underlying emotion and here’s what I found— I’m anxious. It’s the feeling you get when your husband leaves the house and automatically you become hyper-aroused. A rush of fear streams through your body. You worry about his safety and can’t seem to stop the fear-mongering thoughts from flooding your head all at once. Finally he’s home and you’re able to breathe again.
Today on my walk around the neighborhood, I had a moment to process my (anger) feelings. I was reminded about the this simple statement I once heard, "Anger and creativity flow down the same path in the body.” In other words, whenever anger begins to rise in your body it’s an opportunity for creativity to spark. Creativity breaks the yoke of anger, releases novel ideas, abundance, and the freedom to foster actions of healing. You don’t have to suppress your heart-wrenching emotions. Instead, find the value in every emotion.
I try to make a habit of practicing gratitude when emotions wash up. No matter how painful they are, I assign meaning to my emotions. For example, I tell myself to “pay attention to how I’m feeling, face your feelings, and embrace who I am.” As a result, I’ve learned through crucible pain that healing is my responsibility. I can thrive and grow. I set unbreakable boundaries for myself. And I choose to collect treasures from the ashes of circumstances.
Don’t be afraid to spend time defining your feelings and how your experiences impact you. As you seek to deal with the social concerns that’s facing us as a nation, be prepared to acknowledge how you are feeling, take actions to produce unity and love. Sometimes the necessary action is repentance, forgiveness, and letting go of undue guilt and blame. Practice self-care that connects you to your strengths and affirms your worth. Lean into your God-given creativity and resiliency. Your faith and spiritual practices will light a way out of the darkness. Together we can heal and rise above the stronghold of racism.
Trauma can get stored in your body. Once you become aware of overwhelming emotions, it’s time to begin unpacking it. You don’t want to get stuck in intense emotions. Move it out and find a way to replenish your mind. For example, journaling about your feelings helps you heal. Writing your narrative helps to organize your thoughts, gain clarity, and ensures that you’re being heard and not hurt.
Share your feelings with someone you trust. Pray for comfort and courage. Center your heart, and plant your beliefs in the truth about God, others and yourself.
There’s nothing wrong with your Blackness—You are fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139: 14)